Debbie's Confessions of an Alcoholic

reality check

okay, so things are not always what they seem.hell,im not always what i seem.im not the person you talk about, im not the person i think i am.no one knows who i am, not even me.yes, your'e talking to a true cynic.im not going to be righteous..because im seldom right.im not going to be preachy..who am i to talk? so im gonna be brutal.

i went to a diner today to buy myself lunch and i saw my classmate from high school scrubbing the toilet.i was glad to see him..to think that a fellow bacolodnon is in manila..but was shocked what he's doing that for a living.we recognized each other and had a quick chat.he still carried that smile he had since school.and it hit me, not everyone could be like him.i salute him for taking pride in his work and in himself.i left the diner feeling guilty..why i didn't talk to him even more?why i didn't ask how he got here?and why for a split second i questioned his way of life?

and weird thoughts rushed my mind.when were we given the right to judge a person?when were we given the right to talk about another or to think bad thoughts about a person?when were we given the right to hurt a person and be total assholes?

i had the time of my life in high school.St Joseph's High School made me humble..down to earth..honest and unpretentious.im a better person because of being there.so i wasn't an excellent student, so i committed truancy, cheating and even caught of bringing porn.but that's all part of me.okay, so i over-did in being a rebel child, but i learned from it.i was surrounded by friends that wouldn't turn me down, that wouldn't call me ugly because i had ugly teeth (thanks to the power of braces), friends that wouldn't judge me by the way i dress up or what model my car is.we would hang out in a shabby shack every after class and cook chicken mami, smoke cigs and drink tanduay with coke as our chaser.where the hell did you think i learn to love alcohol?these are my friends that never left me through thick and thin..these are my real friends..these are the real people.

When i got in La Salle on the otherhand, it was an entirely different ball game.no one is real.pardon my french, but La Salle population is 90% assholes.for the true-blooded La Sallians out there, im not talking about the education, im not talking about all La Salle schools, im not talking about the school per se.La Salle is La Salle.It's prestigious, it's grand.don't get me wrong, im honored to be a La Salle graduate.but to be a part of the pretentious, self-righteous, discriminating crowd..it haunts me.aside from learning my algebra, table skirting and bartending from that school, i learned something else.i learned that every person should please everyone, whatever it may cost them.

my first year of college, first semester, i never gave a damn.i didn't know anyone.i didn't know how IT works.but then i noticed that they gave a damn.that they think they know how it works.they cared about how i look..they'd talk about how i walk and dress up..they'd see my every move.pass by the coliseum for a second and your'e the talk of the town.La Sallites, you know what im talking about.but what did i care?i was only 16..wearing a mini skirt, tretorn sneakers and a bandana on my head (it use to be a fad then).i didn't know me wearing a skirt would bother them.i didn't know i'd be branded as daring.i didn't know where i went to high school would be a big deal.my mom was in service for La Salle for almost 25 years and me going to La Salle for high school is totally free.but why didn't i go there?for the simple reason that i didn't want to be with THEM.but then, i didn't know i'd still have to face them in college.and so it started..i was conscious of what i wear, i was conscious of what they'd say, i was conscious of what they'd percieve of me.everything followed like a domino effect.suddenly i was hanging out with four of the prettiest faces in school, sipping on our coffees in cafe bobs, dissing every person within the vicinity that doesn't please our eyes.it became sort of an entertainment for us, and to most people.and to think of it now, im ashamed of myself.that person i dissed could be my friend in high school, that person i laughed at could be better than me in the future.

it's easy to discriminate, but it's not easy to be discriminated.i've been there.then came a point in my life that i was the one dissed..criticized.first and foremost, beauty is not a gift, its a curse.but i would like to state for the record that i don't think im the prettiest girl i know, that would be my bestfriend april.im not also going to claim that im the smartest person i know, that would be my sister vina.i know i have an awkwardly big nose, a flabby tummy, i sometimes stammer when i talk.but hell, i have perfect skin, great smile, gorgeous legs and i can write!who cares about my flaws?!haha!but let's face it, women with beauty have to prove themselves twice as much.because it's common knowledge that women that have beauty can't have brains..that women that have beauty can't be kind and humble..and worse is if your'e a woman of beauty but don't have enough riches, that you can't be with someone of better stature because you'd only be a gold digging bitch.now, is this fair?i can talk about all this and not be afraid of what you might think.4 years in college and ive been afraid of what people might think or say about me.well, that has to stop.

im debbie oca and im a flight attendant.i enjoy going out to clubs and drink kurant 7.i enjoy rave parties and drink water.i enjoy shopping at top shop and people are people.i enjoy eating at cibo, italiannis and fish&co.i love pearl farm and to jet ski.i love starbucks' coffee jelly.i love roadtrips to tagaytay and have a massage at sonya's garden and dinner at leslie's.im debbie oca and i love the luxuries of life.

im debbie oca and i spent 4 wonderful years of my high school life in St Joseph's.i love watching Sharon Cuneta flicks.i enjoy eating tuyo especially on rainy days.i still love tanduay and camel cigs (if only i still smoke).i like scavenging through ukay-ukays and bargain stores.i prefer dirty ice creams than the commercialized ones.i feel comfortable wearing an over-sized shirt and house shorts to go out to SM Manila and eat my 30pesos worth of shawarma.im debbie oca and im not afraid to admit who i am.